Quote (#572)

"Change is inevitable. Change is constant."
- Benjamin Disraeli

The free-lance writer is a man who is
paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
- Robert Benchley

"I can't bring myself to say, 'Well,
I guess I'll be toddling along.' It
isn't that I can't toddle. It's just
that I can't guess I'll toddle."
- Robert Benchley

Tell us your phobias and we will
tell you what you are afraid of.
- Robert Benchley

The biggest obstacle to professional writing is
the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
- Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet
coat and into a dry martini?
- Robert Benchley

Robert Benchley - Quote (#571)

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation
for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush,
we spend an enormous amount of time standing around
in line in front of windows, just waiting.
- Robert Benchley

I do most of my work sitting
down; that's where I shine.
- Robert Benchley

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow
death, but then I'm in no hurry.
- Robert Benchley

If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the
universe, let him go back to where he came from.
- Robert Benchley

In America there are two classes of
travel - first class, and with children.
- Robert Benchley

Most of the arguments to which I am a party
fall somewhat short of being impressive,
owing to the fact that neither I nor my
opponent knows what we are talking about.
- Robert Benchley

Robert Benchley - Quote (#570)

An ardent supporter of the hometown
team should go to a game prepared to
take offense, no matter what happens.
- Robert Benchley

As for me, except for an occasional heart
attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
- Robert Benchley

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
- Robert Benchley

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children,
as they are already stretched and pulled to
such a length that the child cannot do much
harm one way or the other.
- Robert Benchley

Drinking makes such fools of people,
and people are such fools to begin
with that it's compounding a felony.
- Robert Benchley

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a
woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
- Robert Benchley

Quotaria

"I have never met a man so ignorant that
I couldn't learn something from him."
- Galileo Galilei

"I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue
that I shall some day die, which is not so."
- Stephen Leacock

"Indecision may or may
not be my problem."
- Jimmy Buffett

"My Father had a profound influence
on me, he was a lunatic."
- Spike Milligan

"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience,
loyalty, and the importance of turning around
three times before lying down."
- Robert Benchley

"Here's a rule I recommend: Never
practice two vices at once."
- Tallulah Bankhead

Quotaria

"Defining and analyzing humor is
a pastime of humorless people."
- Robert Benchley

"In times like these, it helps to recall that
there have always been times like these."
- Paul Harvey

When the highest type of men hear Tao,
They diligently practice it.
When the average type of men hear Tao,
They half believe in it.
When the lowest type of men hear Tao,
They laugh heartily at it.
Without the laugh, there is no Tao.
- Lao-Tzu

I decided that it was not wisdom that enabled [poets] to
write their poetry, but a kind of instinct or inspiration,
such as you find in seers and prophets who deliver all their
sublime messages without knowing in the least what they mean.
- Socrates

"Everybody likes a kidder,
but nobody lends him money."
- Arthur Miller

"The opposite of the religious fanatic
is not the fanatical atheist but the
gentle cynic who cares not whether
there is a god or not."
- Eric Hoffer

Quotes

"I have tried to know absolutely
nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well."
- Robert Benchley

"Water, air, and cleanness are the
chief articles in my pharmacy."
- Napoleon Bonaparte

"I love not man the less,
but Nature more."
- Lord Byron

"The Amen of nature is always a flower."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

"About the time we can make the ends
meet, somebody moves the ends."
- Herbert Hoover

"We have, I fear, confused
power with greatness."
- Stewart Udall

Quotes

We die before we have learned to live.
- Stephen Winston

Honesty is the best image.
- Tom Wilson

Ideas shape the course of history.
- John Maynard Keynes

"Never face facts; if you do, you'll
never get up in the morning."
- Marlo Thomas

"The surest way to make a monkey
of a man is to quote him."
- Robert Benchley

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at
does not imply that all who are laughed at are
geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed
at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers.
But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."
- Carl Sagan

Quotes

"If you get to thinkin' you're a person
of some influence, try orderin' somebody
else's dog around."
- Cowboy wisdom

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and
to turn around three times before lying down"
- Robert Benchley

To be amused by what you read--that is
the great spring of happy quotations.
- CE Montague

"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a
fool of yourself with him and not only will he not
scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too."
- Samuel Butler

"Here, gentlemen, a dog teaches
us a lesson in humanity."
- Napoleon Bonaparte

One of the serious obstacles to the improvement
of our race is indiscriminate charity.
- Andrew Carnegie

Quotes

"Be faithful to that which
exists within yourself."
- Andre Gide

"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't
the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment."
- Robert Benchley

"When ideas fail, words come in very handy."
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"It's not a matter of whether or not
someone's watching over you. It's just
a question of their intentions."
- Randy K. Milholland

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them
behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except
a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that
once our eyes watered."
- Tom Stoppard

"There are 350 varieties of shark,
not counting loan and pool."
L. M. Boyd

Quotes

"It took me fifteen years to discover that I
had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give
it up because by that time I was too famous."
- Robert Benchley

"I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way
to protect yourself from lawsuits."
- David Hoselton

"My parents only had one argument in forty-five
years. It lasted forty-three years."
- Cathy Ladman

"Nobody realizes that some people expend
tremendous energy merely to be normal."
- Albert Camus

"Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists
agrees on something or other, reach for your
wallet, because you're being had."
- Michael Crichton

"In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life: it goes on."
- Robert Frost

Quotes

"Of all things visible, the highest
is the heaven of the fixed stars."
- Nicolaus Copernicus

"Every man is the architect
of his own fortune."
- Sallust

"Writing is the only profession where no one
considers you ridiculous if you earn no money."
- Jules Renard

"A little learning is a dangerous thing
but a lot of ignorance is just as bad."
- Bob Edwards

"Drawing on my fine command of the
English language, I said nothing."
- Robert Benchley

"When all is said and done,
more is said than done."
- Lou Holtz