Quotes - Rita Rudner

"My mother buried three husbands - and
two of them were only napping."
- Rita Rudner

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles
are members of a weird religious cult."
- Rita Rudner

"I was a vegetarian until I started
leaning toward the sunlight."
- Rita Rudner

"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had
no idea that his first name was Always."
- Rita Rudner

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people
get so rich they lose all respect for
humanity. That's how rich I want to be."
- Rita Rudner

I got kicked out of ballet class because
I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
- Rita Rudner

Quotaria

Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only
difference is that lawyers merely rob you,
whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
- Anton Chekhov

What ought to be done to the man who invented
the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere
killing would be too light.
- Mark Twain

"Most turkeys taste better the day after;
my mother's tasted better the day before."
- Rita Rudner

"Your true value depends entirely
on what you are compared with."
- Bob Wells

"I love Mickey Mouse more than
any woman I've ever known."
- Walt Disney

He said ‘It’s all in your head,’
and I said, ‘So’s everything’
- Fiona Apple

Quotaria

"Winners never quit and
quitters never win."
- Vince Lombardi

"The whole point of getting things done
is knowing what to leave undone."
- Oswald Chambers

"Nothing but heaven itself is better
than a friend who is really a friend."
- Plautus

"None are so busy as
the fool and knave."
- John Dryden

"In Hollywood a marriage is a
success if it outlasts milk."
- Rita Rudner

"You know you are getting old when
the candles cost more than the cake."
- Bob Hope

Quotes

"If all the world's a stage, I
want to operate the trap door."
- Paul Beatty

"Before I met my husband, I'd
never fallen in love, though
I'd stepped in it a few times."
- Rita Rudner

"There art two cardinal sins from which all
others spring: Impatience and Laziness."
- Franz Kafka

Obstacles are those frightful
things you see when you take
your eyes off your goal.
- Henry Ford

"Never give a party if you will be
the most interesting person there."
- Mickey Friedman

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't
even have the decency to thank her."
- W. C. Fields

Quotaria

"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake.
Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want
something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
- Rita Rudner

"The most savage controversies are those about matters
as to which there is no good evidence either way."
- Bertrand Russell

"No problem can stand the assault
of sustained thinking."
- Voltaire

"Genius is 1% inspiration
and 99% perspiration."
- Thomas Edison

"Enjoying life isn't about finding
the answers, but living the questions."
- Sue Margolis

"See how the masses of men worry themselves into
nameless graves, while here and there a great
unselfish soul forgets himself into immortality."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quotaria

Those who would give up essential liberty to
purchase a little temporary safety deserve
neither liberty nor safety.
- Benjamin Franklin

What a pity, when Christopher Colombus discovered
America, that he ever mentioned it.
- Margot Asquith

How much easier it is to be
critical than to be correct.
- Benjamin Disraeli

There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one
way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after
happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no
reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time.
- Edith Wharton

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings,
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
- Shelley

"When I meet a man I ask myself,
'Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?'"
- Rita Rudner