Quotaria

"If voting changed anything,
they'd make it illegal."
- Emma Goldman

"Your life story would not make
a good book. Don't even try."
- Fran Lebowitz

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome,
but I think of it as the only time of the
month that I can be myself.
- Roseanne

When it's a question of money,
everybody is of the same religion.
- Voltaire

You can't say that civilization don't
advance, however, for in every war
they kill you in a new way.
- Will Rogers

No one can have a higher opinion
of him than I have, and I think
he's a dirty little beast.
- W. S. Gilbert

Quotes

"The trouble with a kitten is that
when it grows up, it's always a cat."
- Ogden Nash

"I was sleeping the other night,
alone, thanks to the exterminator."
- Emo Phillips

"A single question can be more influential
than a thousand statements."
- Bo Bennett

"Life is something that happens
when you can't get to sleep."
- Fran Lebowitz

"I look at what the phone company
does and do the opposite."
- Craig Newmark

A little simplification would be the first
step toward rational living, I think.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Quotaria

It seems like once people grow up,
they have no idea what's cool.
- Bill Watterson

Cherish all your happy moments: they
make a fine cushion for old age.
- Christopher Morley

I think it's the duty of the comedian
to find out where the line is drawn
and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

Special-interest publications should realize that if
they are attracting enough advertising and readers
to make a profit, the interest is not so special.
- Fran Lebowitz

He who praises you for what you lack
wishes to take from you what you have.
- Don Juan Manuel

"The significance of man is that he
is insignificant and is aware of it."
- Carl Becker

Quotes

"There are three rules for writing the novel.
Unfortunately, no one knows what they are."
- W. Somerset Maugham

"I've done the calculation and your
chances of winning the lottery are
identical whether you play or not."
- Fran Lebowitz

"An economist is a man who states the
obvious in terms of the incomprehensible."
- Alfred A. Knopf

"That's the secret to life...
replace one worry with another...."
- Charles M. Schulz

"Old age is the most unexpected of
things that can happen to a man."
- Leon Trotsky

"A man is rich in proportion to the number
of things he can afford to let alone."
- Henry David Thoreau

Quotes

"With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow
down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite.
Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red
means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'"
- Mitch Hedberg

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach
a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry
man about fish, and you're a consultant."
- Scott Adams

"In real life, I assure you, there
is no such thing as algebra."
- Fran Lebowitz

"I never put on a pair of shoes until
I've worn them at least five years."
- Samuel Goldwyn

"Conceit is God's gift to little men."
- Bruce Barton

"It matters not whether you win or lose;
what matters is whether I win or lose."
- Darrin Weinberg

Quotes

"Food is an important part
of a balanced diet."
- Fran Lebowitz

"Study nature, love nature, stay close
to nature. It will never fail you."
- Frank Lloyd Wright

"Miracles do not, in fact,
break the laws of nature."
- C. S. Lewis

"I have lost friends, some by death... others
through sheer inability to cross the street."
- Virginia Woolf

"No one gossips about other
people's secret virtues."
- Bertrand Russell

"A high-brow is someone who looks
at a sausage and thinks of Picasso."
- A. P. Herbert

Quotaria

"Success didn't spoil me, I've
always been insufferable."
- Fran Lebowitz

Lies are like children: they're hard work, but it's
worth it because the future depends on them.
- Pam Davis

Happiness in intelligent people
is the rarest thing I know.
- Ernest Hemingway

I don't know half of you half as well as I
should like; and I like less than half of
you half as well as you deserve.
- J. R. R. Tolkien

A physicist is an atom's way
of knowing about atoms.
- George Wald

In the beginning there was nothing. God
said, 'Let there be light!' And there was
light. There was still nothing, but you
could see it a whole lot better.
- Ellen DeGeneres

Quotes

"Lawyers, I suppose,
were children once."
- Charles Lamb

"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country
are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the
other lousy two percent that get all the publicity.
But then--we elected them."
- Lily Tomlin

"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that
you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail."
- Fran Lebowitz

"Never go to bed mad.
Stay up and fight."
- Phyllis Diller

"The purpose of life
is a life of purpose."
- Robert Byrne

"Prediction is very difficult, especially
if it's about the future."
- Niels Bohr