Quotaria

"I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes
up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you
don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'"
- Ellen DeGeneres

"I despise the pleasure of
pleasing people that I despise."
- Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

"Take care of the luxuries and the
necessities will take care of themselves."
- Dorothy Parker

"Computers are useless. They
can only give you answers."
- Pablo Picasso

"Reality is the leading cause of stress
amongst those in touch with it."
- Jane Wagner

"Read nature; nature is
a friend to truth."
- Edward Young

Quotaria

The whole is more than
the sum of its parts.
- Aristotle

"Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred
Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels."
- Bob Thaves

"Nobody in the game of football should be called a
genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein."
- Joe Theismann

"Don't you wish there was a knob on the TV
to turn up the intelligence? There's one
marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work."
- Gallagher

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be
writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I
don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to
bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more."
- Dorothy Parker

"Washington is no place for
a good actor. The competition
from bad actors is too great."
- Fred Allen

Quotes

Life isn't fair. It's just fairer
than death, that's all.
- William Goldman

The best way to keep children home is to
make the homeatmosphere pleasant--and let
the air out of the tires.
- Dorothy Parker

Egotism is the anesthetic that
dulls the pain of stupidity.
- Frank Leahy

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first
glass away free and charge five dollars for the
second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
- Emo Phillips

We live in a moment of history where change
is so speeded up that we begin to see the
present only when it is already disappearing.
- RD Laing

There are only two kinds of scholars; those
who love ideas and those who hate them.
- Emile Chartier

Quotes

"Be obscure clearly."
- E. B. White

"A celebrity is one who is known to many
persons he is glad he doesn't know."
- H. L. Mencken

"She runs the gamut of
emotions from A to B."
- Dorothy Parker

"The only difference between the Democrats
and the Republicans is that the Democrats
allow the poor to be corrupt, too."
- Oscar Levant

"Somebody has to do something, and it's just
incredibly pathetic that it has to be us."
- Jerry Garcia

"Save a little money each month and at
the end of the year you'll be surprised
at how little you have."
- Ernest Haskins

Quotes

"I never drink water because of the
disgusting things that fish do in it."
- W. C. Fields

"It is not every question
that deserves an answer."
- Publilius Syrus

"It is not a bad idea to get in the habit of
writing down one's thoughts. It saves one
having to bother anyone else with them."
- Isabel Colegate

"I don't care what is written about
me so long as it isn't true."
- Dorothy Parker

"Don't stay in bed, unless
you can make money in bed."
- George Burns

"The mind is not a vessel to be
filled but a fire to be kindled."
- Plutarch

Quotes

"If you want to know what God
thinks of money, just look at
the people he gave it to."
- Dorothy Parker

"I do not know which makes a man more
conservative - to know nothing but the
present, or nothing but the past."
- John Maynard Keynes

"Few people can see genius in
someone who has offended them."
- Robertson Davies

"It's a strange thing, but every sentient race has its own
version of these Swedish meatballs. I suspect it's one of
those great universal mysteries, which will either never be
explained or which would drive you mad if you ever learned
the truth."
- G'Kar, Babylon 5

"it is healthier to see the good points of
others than to analyze our own bad ones."
~ Francoise Sagan

"All work and no play makes Jack
a dull boy and Jill a rich widow."
- Evan Esar

Quotes

If a man will begin with certainties,
he shall end in doubts; but if he will
be content to begin with doubts he shall
end in certainties.
- Sir Francis Bacon

Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody
I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers.
- Jimmy Breslin

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were
laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
- Dorothy Parker

The creator of the universe works
in mysterious ways. But he uses a
base ten counting system and likes
round numbers.
- Scott Adams

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and
fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom
fighters fight? They never mention that
part to us, do they?"
- George Carlin

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things,
but most of the things they make it easier to do
don't need to be done."
- Andy Rooney