Quotes

"With a stop light, green means 'go' and yellow means 'slow
down'. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite.
Yellow means 'go', green means 'whoa, slow down', and red
means 'where the heck did you get that banana?'"
- Mitch Hedberg

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach
a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry
man about fish, and you're a consultant."
- Scott Adams

"In real life, I assure you, there
is no such thing as algebra."
- Fran Lebowitz

"I never put on a pair of shoes until
I've worn them at least five years."
- Samuel Goldwyn

"Conceit is God's gift to little men."
- Bruce Barton

"It matters not whether you win or lose;
what matters is whether I win or lose."
- Darrin Weinberg